Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
