He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
