Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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