the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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