Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
