I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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