Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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