You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
