I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
