Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
