i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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