My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize