And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
