Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
