my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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