I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
