i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
