I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
