NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
