It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize