if i can run in heels then i can drive
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
