Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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