My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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