I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
