So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
