i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just invented taco cereal.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
