Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
