Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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