he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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