Sry I called you an 8
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
