the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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