drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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