Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
