he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
