he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
