Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
