I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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