you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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