$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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