I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
