I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
