ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
