I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
