Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
