return my video game
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
