I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
