ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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