two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
