were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
