What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
