heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
