So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
