I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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