she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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