I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
