am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
