I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just found a bag of teeth...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
