Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
