And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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