i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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