I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
