There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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